Learning to Surf Kosmic Waves

surf

There is no weapon more powerful in achieving truth than acceptance of oneself.  - Swami Prajnanpad

Your most important work is to understand the barriers you have against the unfolding. - A. H. Almaas

Integral Living: A Practical Guide to Remembering Joy and Resting in Equanimity

(Or: Learning to Surf Kosmic Waves)

Mature spirituality involves a deep and radical acceptance of self (UL/UR) and every other aspect of the world (LL/LR) as they are, and I mean that in a profound, literal way. As a queer person living in a country (U.S.) that has, in some significant sense, contracted into religious fundamentalism and feigned moral superiority, this has been a most difficult station to arrive at. I experienced the psychic and spiritual wounds, over and over again, that come from being painted as psychologically and morally deficient; a Scarlet Letter is a challenge to wear; it is also an entry point for transcending sole identification with the ego. Today those wounds are well-healed scars, fresh new skin replacing the seeping, infected sores that filled me with fear and rage as they consumed my soul.

How did this newfound joy and equanimity come to me? Simply stated, it came through diving straight into this deep psychic pain, both inflicted by a wounded world (LL/LR) and manifested by a damaged self (UL). It was allowing my self to be consumed by the pain, burning it in the fire of purification, which provided the fuel for a new, more integral whole self to coalesce. The cause of such deep, fundamental pain is different for each of us; however, the underlying story is a perennial one. Freedom comes at a price: the contracted, constructed separate self must be sacrificed at the altar of Truth.

The avoidance that is so common in many modern and postmodern cultures creates paralysis instead of freedom. Rather than risking the self through experiencing the pain, people allow themselves to be lured into techniques that forestall the inevitable and perpetuate the very pain they are trying to avoid.¹ Marijuana is the number one cash crop in America; alcohol is regularly consumed in excess in a variety of forms by millions; body obsession and compulsive exercise, dieting and/or binge eating are prevalent in many achievers; incessant acquisition of shiny objects to satisfy an internal hunger is a quest engaged by materialists; spiritual materialism and escapism is rampant in New Age adherents; and television tuned to the frequency of the sleeping masses provides an alternate reality that numbs the soul.  The average citizen is desperate to maintain a sense of control or escape any and all emotional pain, and true freedom is sacrificed as a result.

Based on my personal experience and a nascent understanding of developmental psychology, a truly integral, mature life is not possible until one arrives at transegoic perspectives that take the constructed self as an object requiring deep evaluation and, sometimes, purgation of ineffective coping strategies and self-limiting habits. The challenge inherent in growth to higher levels of consciousness, however, is that acquiring the activation energy to move to the next level is not generated in the absence of psychic pain. Generally speaking, living a life of contented mediocrity, with an acceptable means towards financial security, a relatively stable close circle of friends and family, and other basic needs provided will tend to support maintenance instead of growth. Developmental psychologists have demonstrated that, on average, most people will stay at the same level of development from their mid-twenties through their mid-fifties, barring some psychologically jarring event.

Counter to the prevailing view of the general populace, psychological pain is of profound importance; it is the key to self awareness, healing and growth. Though such pain cannot be generated intentionally, embracing it fully when it descends instead of contracting and avoiding is the only way to higher levels of being and the resultant joy and equanimity that most humans desire. Whether one's trigger event is cancer or another grave illness, a mid-life crisis, the breakup of a significant relationship, or the death of close family member, the key to integration and transformation to higher levels of consciousness is surrender. Surrender the false reigns of control; surrender to all that life is; surrender to all that you are. Freedom comes through looking at the chains that bind us that seemed to be entirely externally imposed, realizing that it is often we who have continued to wrap ourselves in them, and then choosing to let them fall. This does not negate the often traumatic effects of being oppressed or attacked (tetra-arising); it is simply recognition that, ultimately, each of us owns responsibility for how we translate and integrate those experiences (UL). There is a choice: victim or survivor. Many people in this world have (unconsciously) chosen victim, and needless cycles of suffering persist.

Though blazing a trail to wholeness on one's own efforts is surely not impossible, professional assistance and encouragement, both through psychotherapy and spiritual guidance, is critically important for most. I cannot overemphasize this point. It was through the mirror and anchor provided by several caring professionals periodically over the last two decades that I was able to successfully navigate my way through the insane messiness of plunging into Darkness.

The trouble is often that the postmodern mind resists Darkness. Rooted in scientism and intellectualism, such a mind demotes subtle energies and emotions to the realm of the absurd. This is a tremendous loss collectively and individually. The intellect can be a powerful tool, but it can also be a hindrance to spiritual growth. Moving beyond mindsets that are limited by an over-reliance on rational thinking often requires an authentic spiritual practice. Coming back to Spirit in an integral embrace unleashes creative energies that catalyze moves to higher levels of consciousness.

Beginning an authentic practice in the age of religious pluralism can be a challenging or overwhelming task. Many people choose one or more of the forms offered by tradition simply because they offer a proven container from which to dig deeper; however, a significant number of people rebel against tradition in the face of rampant hypocrisy. Traditional forms, in themselves, are often harmless. It is how we interpret them (UL), how we manifest them (tetra-meshed), and how we pass them on (LL/LR) that holds the potential for both slavery and emancipation.

I am drawn to Buddhism in part due to the resonance I feel with the concept of paradox which is central to the core teachings of Zen. I love the world, and I am sometimes frustrated, angered, enraged or filled with despair when faced with it. I see the world as a mature and healthy parent sees a teenager:  I accept it as it is, I love it fully, and I do what little I can to encourage changes in mind structures that bring growth into more evolved perspectives. In other words, I love all aspects of the kosmos as they are; yet I simultaneously experience deep emotional pain when I witness scenes from events such as the Iraq war and the genocide in Darfur, the often-religiously-inspired oppression throughout the world, and the suffering of the people I encounter in my life. Additionally, there are still aspects of my self that I work on changing, but the intention is held loosely instead of with a white-knuckled death grip that attempts to resist or deny that they simply are part of who I am today. I can offer all parts of my self a radical unconditional love AND work to move to deeper levels of understanding and more healthy ways of living at the same time. Everything is perfect, and perfection can never be attained.

Another teaching in Buddhism that resonates strongly for me is the concept of impermanence. Nothing that exists in the relative world is permanent; every object is in a constant state of flow, moving on a grand scale towards eventual dissolution. While this seems to be a fundamental aspect of the kosmos, growth to more inclusive and integral mind structures is possible in tandem with the movement from birth towards death. Realization of this impermanence, or emptiness, brings freedom from sole identification with the finite self, and a more refined ability to see that all human suffering is also impermanent. When one truly grasps the concept of impermanence and is able to see the suffering inherent in human life, tremendous and profound compassion for all beings arises spontaneously.

The concept of impermanence can be difficult to grasp; examining the idea of contingency to loosen the grip of self identification may help. Accepting the self (UL/UR) fully is assisted by knowing it as a contingent entity: it is inextricably linked to culture (LL) and nature (LR). Borrowing a Zen phrase: Phenomena exist; box and lid fit; principles respond; arrow points meet. We exist in constant relationship to the environment we live in. In other words, we are creatures wired into a matrix of stimulus and response. To truly know self is to realize this in a transrational manner; however, working with these concepts intellectually enables one to recognize contingency. How is the expression of our lives determined by the culture we live in? The particular forms of our bodies? The time during which we live? The natural environment that surrounds us? The people we have encountered? Nothing we do exists outside of relationship. Contemplating questions such as these allow us to flesh out who we are and why, bringing us closer to knowing ourselves deeply.

In order to know the self, we must pay attention. Watch everything that passes through awareness: judgment, guilt, intellectual curiosity, hubris, vanity, anger, etc. Notice that which you try to hold on to and that which you try to avoid. Watch and learn the types of habits that have been constructed out of your past experiences so that you can begin to embrace them. Once you embrace them fully as part of your self in this moment, you can begin to question them, deconstruct them and move beyond them. Getting rid of them is not the point, however; working with them is.

Once one attains a sense of wholeness and ego strength, it becomes more possible to experience awareness beyond the conditioned self. Instead of filtering everything through the ego, phenomena can be allowed to arise without a conditioned response. Granted, "without a conditioned response" can be viewed as conditioned in some sense when it is transegoic; however, the free flowing awareness that comes from a perspective of subjective ego transcendence is a distinctly available state that one can rest in. Whether the phenomenon arising is a cloud drifting in the sky, a bee buzzing on a flower, a feeling of frustration due to a certain perspective of the state of the world, or a mind-blowing, heart-opening orgasm shared with a loved one, it arises against a backdrop of Timeless Awareness. It is the constructed self that then applies a map derived from past experiences in an attempt to interpret the objects that arise and assign meaning to the Infinite. We crave meaning because it creates a sense of security and control, but we lose the opportunity to experience raw fullness and emptiness in the process. We can learn to move beyond the stimulus-response dynamic.  If you doubt the possibility of real transcendent mind experiences or dismiss it as New Age fluff, I offer that this can, in fact, be tested in an empirical manner using your own subjective awareness. To not test it and reduce it to said fluff is naïve, at best.

To recap, the pure-and-simple Answer is: Shine the light inward. Know thyself. More specifically, know the habits, neuroses, and the dark and light sides of your finite self in body, mind, spirit, and shadow. It is only through deep self knowledge and self acceptance that the ego is able to expand to more inclusive perspectives, become transparent, and rest in states of joy and equanimity with increasing frequency and for longer periods. Each of us has a birthright to wholeness; it is up to us to claim it. Taking a transegoic stance confers the ability to reinhabit the ego with authenticity, hold it lightly and use it skillfully to bring ourselves and others to higher levels of conscious understanding. Conscious awareness with depth is the key to the resurrection of the self through a re-cognition of Self. I have tested this myself and found it to be true; as a result, I embrace Life as it is. And it is beautiful.

Finally: Live. Love. Cry. Smile. Listen. Learn. Dance. Sing. Play. Wonderful worlds exist if you learn to simply see and BE them. Ride the waves that you are and remember: sometimes a tsunami is exactly what we need to bring us into clearer light.

Now What?

So we learn to rest in joy and equanimity; now what? What's the point, other than concern for our own experience of "reality" and a profound diminishing of day-to-day suffering? Well, I won't get into speculation on "the point"; however, a call to help others often naturally arises. If we care to, how do we attempt to effect change in the world to encourage higher waves or levels of consciousness with the hope of ending some of the needless suffering? Most importantly: live as a shining light of example. Embrace the world as it is (4Q), meet people where they are at with respect (LL), and let your integral perspectives ripple outwards using skillful means to engage people.² Additionally, if you feel called to, join or start organizations (LR) that are working at the "leading edge" with integral visions so that the power of higher waves is amplified (go Zaadz!). Get involved in politics (LR) by voting and writing letters to your state representatives and media editors to provide balance to less-evolved perspectives in public opinion. Right now, the loudest voices are those at 1^st tier cognition because they are often driven by psychological projections that push them into the public sphere in an attempt to regain a sense of control (and there are more of us at those levels than 2^nd tier); balance those 1^st tier perspectives with more inclusive integral voices. Beyond that (though I would love other suggestions), simply accepting the world as it is does wonders for peace of Mind; this, too, has a ripple effect.

Notes:

¹ Obviously, some of these practices can be incorporated into an integral life in ways that are healthy or non-destructive; however, the use of them as a means for avoidance is more common than not.

² Realize that blaming and ridiculing are rarely effective tools when making such attempts; though, instances may arise that call for showing respect to an individual's higher self through ridiculing his or her current belief system. Someone who is averse to open dialog and rigid in ideology might invite a thorough ego pounding simply to illustrate that some beliefs are profoundly delusional, whether he or she is able to hear that in the moment or not. Using this approach as a last resort is highly recommended, and it is best to not expect fruits of such efforts.